One of the hard things about writing, is well writing. You need purpose in your words and motivation to display that purpose. Often my ideas of writing come, but then I wavier, I figure, everyone I am writing to already knows what I know, about what I’m writing about, and that very well may be the case. So my writing loses it’s purpose. How? I destroy it. I destroy my own purpose of why I had the urge to write to begin with. Perhaps I don’t feel like writing my thoughts out in words. It is a whole lot easier to just think it, but writing it out on words, well that can be challenging. Or not necessarily challenging, but I just get lazy. I want to do other things. Perhaps tweet, in 140 characters. Yes, you can get a pretty big point across in 140 characters, but there is something redeeming about writing a blog.

Nonetheless, I almost passed up my train of thought, go back a few sentences, to when I wrote “It is a whole lot easier to just think about it”. Think about that. Ponder your thoughts and ideas, meditate them, because we often think that we think in terms of our language, but that is not the case. If that was the case, whenever we get a grand idea, it should be simple enough to go ahead and write it down. Well it’s much more complicated than that, you see. We don’t really think entirely in English. I say, we think mostly not in English. Thoughts come to us due to our entire frame of reference, our mind, our processes, our experience, our knowledge or what we think we know, all comes to us so suddenly at times. Yet writing them out, requires a sort of discipline, an ability to recall this idea, this purpose, and portray it out in words. With that, English is imperative for communication, its imperative to achieving more knowledge and understanding, and it does help you think out your own thoughts, to sort them out into nice little neat compartments called words. The mind is hard to understand entirely, but writing helps organize it all and achieve a more cogent understanding.

The one great thing I love about writing is, when done properly, it can provide insight and understanding that otherwise may get lost via talking to each other. Writing is there to be reread if needed, to contemplate. Talking to each other is often filled with sensationalism, bravado, emphasis to get your attention among many other speaking devices that we all use, whether we recognize them or not. But if you just write down some words, you can bypass all that malarky and excess nonsense and get to the real meat and potatoes of an idea, or a story, or most importantly, the truth. Charmers thrive based on speech communication. You will see most charmers aren’t going to excel at writing and vice versa. I admire the writers. They tend to know more. They aren’t shysters, because you can re read what they say, rather than listen to them ramble off a bunch of hocus pocus and have you eating off the palm of their hands. I think the writers and readers here can see beyond all that very easily. For some charmers, it takes a keen eye to identify the nonsense they spew. Others not so easily. Writers, though, ah yes, WE have the tendency to be able to see this, and when we do, we just cringe. Writing is a true, more pure form of communication, not a bespectacled aesthetically pleasing to the eye and ear three ring circus. Beware the charmers and talkers out there…


Memoirs of Madness

An Excerpt

“Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster, and if you gaze into the abyss,the abyss gazes also into you.” -Nietzsche


I have had my engagement with the abyss and the monsters of this world. Growing up I often ran into encounters in which I was seen as inferior by people. I was a good kid, but the world would have none of that when it came to me. I was the shy type, maybe too timid. I sat and listened when others babbled on with their version of how it is, what is good, what is
not. I wasn’t outspoken, as such nobody ever knew what I thought. It didn’t matter to them though, after all, I was just a child. My classmates were more opinionated that me.
Eventually as I gained pubescence, I began to feel the pressures of the outside world crash down upon my head and I had enough of it. Enter, my rebellious era. But something more kicked in before that was ever settled, something that has deeply affected the core of my self forever. It has interrupted my path and sent me upon a new one. Today I write these words a new man, on
this same path. Having hopefully conquered or at least quelled a searing madness that ripped through my bone and flesh at a very critical time in any young man’s life, the early 20’s. All of this has made me a better person and due to this I am a subscriber to the old saying “what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger”. I have come away from this story wondering how I didn’t get
myself killed or kill someone during this phenomenal fervor, an out of control imagination. An imagination that ran amok overcame me and I created a world as entirely different as it
could possibly be, yet still somehow managed to walk around this planet and interacting with daily life not realizing I was living out my own dark subconscious fantasy, or perhaps, nightmare at times. I have learned many lessons from this and hope those families who may experience this in loved ones, as it is all too common a theme, can find insight into what their own are
experiencing and possibly be able to cope themselves. For those experiencing it now, I find no reason they would stumble on this book, unless it may be during a brief moment of clarity; but
those who experienced what I have, do not of course have reason to peruse this first-hand account of mental illness, because they would be have already experienced a similar state
of mind. That is if they are cognizant enough to remember, which luckily I am. In writing this I have confronted my manic thoughts head on instead of burying them in some dark recess of
my mind that may only wreak havoc later. I would ask that those who experience the similar states of mind that I bring before you in these memoirs, that you too confront your past
demons as well, in whatever way you are apt to. Contemplation and writing have brought me to conquer the maniacal memories that could very much have rooted me in a lasting insecurity of
social instability and awkwardness.

The difference between truly believing and knowing isn’t much different to many. When this occurs with mental illness, there is no difference. When I was God there was
nothing better; no better feeling before it nothing will ever compare to the glory of my life that I had envisioned in my own mind. My sense of superiority was to the nth degree and could
go no further. My emotions were euphoric and blissful, there was nothing I can’t do on this planet, no goals couldn’t be met (becoming the world leader, becoming the wealthiest person in
the world, or anything similar to that), could compare to what I was experiencing. We do this reality trick with kids a bit with Santa Clause, he doesn’t exist, but they believe he does, and it’s
very, very, fun for kids. If only the experience could be sustained; I would still like to experience this feeling I had without any ill effect. If it could be sustained through the rest of
my life, actually believing I was God and constantly hallucinating the effects of my own reality that I created, it would be tempting to choose the “blue pill”. If I was single and had nobody to care
for who know me as the sane individual I do now, I might be willing to make that trade of reality for total disillusionment. Would I be happier? Possibly, I might even be in ecstasy. But
there are also the periods of utterly abysmal and deep despair and hopelessness that I experienced. Knowing what I know now, I would never choose to go back. I couldn’t. Since my episode, which lasted a few years in its peak stages, I have pursued real
world knowledge in the form of logic, science, and philosophy. My goal to seek truth and knowledge in all areas was a means to overcome the disillusioned reality I had already lived out. I was sick and tired of fantasy as I had lived it and I knew I had to get
my head on straight. Would that be the sole result of my reaction to my illness, or was it what I was to scratch an itch of intellectual curiosity regardless? Of course I would never know
that, but it doesn’t matter now anyways. Now hopefully I can help by providing my story to the world and possibly just as important, hopefully I can also eliminate some stigma.

Outside on my back porch I watched the grass slowly wave in the gentle breeze. It was a typical hot, sunny day. The motion of the grass was particularly hypnotizing for some reason.
The wind caressed the blades in a rhythmic wave that provided an image of a flowing sea of green. This rhythm of nature seemed to be some sort of communication possibly. I needed to
find something to help me figure out my current situation, which was inexplicably doomed. I was certainly in a precarious situation, one in which I was absolutely positive I would be
spending all of eternity in eternal damnation and fire. How I got here I wasn’t too sure, but I was sure that it seemed to be my destiny. I heard the demons roaring outside now, they have
possessed my neighbors. It’s a shame because they were quite amicable. It seems the entire world is going to hell, as other random people outside start growling demonically that walk by
my houses sidewalk. Someone passes by in their car and I heard a demon that sounded as if it were born of fire, utter out a guttural yell that should make everyone in the neighborhood
begin packing their bags. For me, however, I was in a rather catatonic state of mind listening to all of this. I figured they may terrify the remaining un-possessed souls of the neighborhood,
but I already knew I was doomed and had a clue to decipher. I reaffixed my attention on the rhythm of the grass and listened intently at the wind for their instructions. Nature was seemingly quite knowledgeable on my predicament. The rhythmic sign language of the grass and the whispers of the wind were always very agreeable to me. Yet they seem to only be agreeing with
me because nature itself is afraid of me. Meanwhile these demonic outburst coming from the neighborhood was rather unsettling and yet very interesting, as long as they left me alone
and only taunted me verbally that is. I was completely calm hearing these loud, disturbing voices from my poor neighbors. I guess they weren’t so good after all I thought. I had already
been through quite the ride of hell at this point, so dealing with demonic possessions of half the town wasn’t very worrisome considering what I’ve been through. One thing is for certain, I
need to get use to hell. I took my socks off and let them roast on the sidewalk that was heated by that inferno of a sun. If only I could start getting used to the inevitable hellfire awaiting me,
maybe it would make it easier. I then thought, it’s probably useless, God would probably turn up the heat as soon as I got comfortable anyways, exponentially. Such is life. I went back
inside my parent’s house, where I could then commence my communication with the outside world through telepathy and television, because I was the antichrist and had some pretty nice
powers. I guess that’s the perk of being guaranteed the darkest fate of all time.


The first book of Magic, called Genesis




1 In the beginning, magic created the heaven and the earth.

2 And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of magic moved upon the face of the waters.

3 And magically there was light.

4 And magically, magic saw the light, that it was good: and magic divided the light from the darkness.

5 And magically, the light was called Day, and the darkness was called Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day.

6  And magically, a firmament in the midst of the waters occurred, and let it divide the waters from the waters.

7 And magic made the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament: and it was so.

8 And magically the firmament was called Heaven. And the evening and the morning were the second day.

9 ¶ And magically, the waters under the heaven were gathered together unto one place, and the dry land appeared: and it was so.

10 And magically it was called land, Earth; and the gathering together of the waters called he Seas: and magically it was good.

11 And magically the earth brought forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed is in itself, upon the earth: magically it was so.

12 And the earth brought forth grass, and herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed was in itself, after his kind: and magically it was good.

13 And the evening and the morning were the third day.

14 And then magically, there were lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years:

15 And magically they wereor lights in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth: and it was so.

16 And magically there were two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also.

17 And magically it was set them in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth,

18 And to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness: and magically it was good.

19 And the evening and the morning were the fourth day.

20 And magically, Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven.

21 And magic created great whales, and every living creature that moveth, which the waters brought forth abundantly, after their kind, and every winged fowl after his kind: and magically it was good.

22 And magic blessed them, magically commanding them: Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let fowl multiply in the earth.

23 And the evening and the morning were the fifth day.

24 ¶ And magic said, Let the earth bring forth the living creature after his kind, cattle, and creeping thing, and beast of the earth after his kind: and it was so.

25 And magic made the beast of the earth after his kind, and cattle after their kind, and every thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind: and magically it was good.

26 And magically it was said, let us make man in our image of magic, after our likeness: and let them have magical dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.

27 So magically man was created in a magical image, in the image of magic created he him; male and female created he them.

28 And magic blessed them, and magically they were inclined to Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

29 ¶ And magically it was thought that magic has given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat, magically.

30 And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat: and it was so.

31 And magically, it was all very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.



1 Thus the heavens and the earth were finished, and all the host of them.

2 And on the seventh day magic ended.  Magic  rested on the seventh day from all his work which it made.

3 And magically the seventh day was blesse,, and sanctified it: because that in it he had rested from all his work which magic created and made.

4 These are the generations of the heavens and of the earth when they were created, in the day that magic made the earth and the heavens,

5 And every plant of the field before it was in the earth, and every herb of the field before it grew: for magic had not caused it to rain upon the earth, and there was not a man to till the ground.

6 But there went up a mist from the earth, and watered the whole face of the ground.

7 And magic formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living magical soul.

8 ¶ And magic planted a garden eastward in Eden; and there magic put the man whom it had formed.

9 And out of the ground magically it was made to grow every tree that is pleasant to the sight, and good for food; the tree of life also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of knowledge of good and evil….


Its all downhill from their folks.  Confusion, lies, murder, misogyny, rape, jealousy, hatred, some love, greed, more love, irrationality, contradictions, and then there’s an awesome shroom trip at the end.



Thank you to humanisthuman for the inspiration

A Claim that there are a couple of problems to “Atheistic evolution”

First the claim:

“There are those in the world of science that believe every living thing in the world evolved from a single-cell organism. This is sometimes referred to as macro-evolution. To believe in macro-evolution does not exclude a belief in God. In fact, the Catholic Church (with some conditions) allows for the belief in macro-evolution. Yet, many evolutionists are atheists. They believe that evolution alone explains the existence of life on earth. I, however, see some problems.

Let us assume that macro-evolution is true; that everything evolved from a single-cell organism. You would still need God. Evolution is simply the idea of adaptability. Basically, something changes about an organism’s environment, and the organism must adapt or die. It must “learn” how to survive in its new environment, or the organism faces extinction! This is where evolution (macro and/or micro) comes in.
The organism in question may simply evolve in a small, albeit noticeable, way. An example of this may be seen in the different coat colors some dogs and cats have. For instance, a dog that primarily lives in a mountainous habitat may have a grayish coat; while a dog primarily residing in a desert-type habitat may have a sandy-colored coat. Both are dogs, but they are different types of dog. This is micro-evolution.
The organism in question, however, may evolve into an entirely different type of animal. This is macro-evolution, and it is an apparently lengthy process. So much so, that it is not observable by any one individual. An example may be found in how many scientists believe that some fish evolved into reptiles and amphibians due to changes in the earth’s environment.
At first this may not sound like an unreasonable hypothesis; but a little more digging reveals some problems. If evolution is the source of all life, then what was evolution’s source? Evolution is nothing more than the theory of adaptability. Adaptability is, in essence, change. If we believe that there is no God and evolution created all life, then we can not explain how it is that evolution itself exists. Because evolution is nothing more than the theory of adaptability, then it must be admitted that evolution is nothing more than change.
One of the main tenets of physics, however, teaches us that all change must occur from a source that is not subject to the change it causes. In other words, if evolution is adaptability (change), then this would preclude a belief in God. If every change must have a source that is independent of the change caused, then change itself (adaptability/evolution) must have a source unaffected by change. This source would be constancy itself. This source Christians call God.
Another problem I see is that if evolution is all there is, humans would be an impossibility. Every human being that has ever lived had some sort of personality. Evolution, however, is a person-less force. How can a person-less force cause life that possesses a personality? This is an absolute impossibility! From whence would the personality in human beings (or any other creature for that matter) come from, if God did not exist? A personality can not just appear. It, like all life, must come from a source which also possesses a personality. A personality, once in existence, may change; but it can not simply come from non-existence to existence.
Atheistic evolution simply fails to answer the most basic questions. I do not deny that micro-evolution exists. It is apparent to everyone who has the intelligence to observe that viruses, for example, evolve to become immune to medicines over time. I am not a believer in macro-evolution, but I do not deny that I may be wrong on that point. I simply would like to point out that evolution would not be possible without God!
Peace in Christ,
David J. Pollard
American Catholic Solidarity”


There are a couple of problems with this piece. Abiogenesis is not considered and the existence of evolution does not require a creator, it is just something that occurs like gravity, or the formation of planets through supernovae.

Also, if all these things are claimed to exist without a creator and that is unacceptable to you, how is it acceptable for you to believe in god himself, without anything creating him? You see, the same logic applies to how existence exist and how god exists, but by choosing to see that god must have created existence simply because you can’t identify how it must have came about, a biased is exposed… Because you have no idea how god would have came about, or always have existed, either.

Empowering women and the plight of Islam

I don’t think this is prevalent in many American’s consciousness, but the one thing that has catapulted the United States into the premiere world power during World War II and beyond was the advent of the female working class.  The fact that women began working en masse at the factories, producing weapons, ammunition and other essentials at a much larger rate in the past contributed greatly towards the booming of the American war machine as well as the economy.  This effect lasted after the war, more and more women continued to enter the workplace.  Suddenly we had the capacity to nearly double our workforce by empowering women to work and produce.  Today, we reap the benefits of that paradigm shift and continue to do so.  The workforce was diversified in talent and capability as well, with women bringing their unique traits to American Industry and education.  Feeling empowered, more women began to go to college and more make an impact on our society ever before in all industries, as well as politically.  Doesn’t it seem pretty obvious that this shift really caused us to become the greatest superpower that ever existed?



Now, let’s take a look at where the Islamic states are without this same advantage.  By not empowering women and essentially oppressing them, the Middle East has fallen backwards greatly, this may be where women are oppressed the harshest.  The Arab spring, brought on by the advent of the internet and its technological abilities, made people aware just how far they are behind Western Culture, and they aren’t happy.  This new found consciousness resulted in the desire to overthrow their government, but the people are still disillusioned at their real enemy, their own religion of Islam.  By blaming the government and not their own way of life, they are still at a standstill, replacing Islamic leader with Islamic leader, fascist for fascist, tyrant for tyrant, corrupt politician for another corrupt politician.  They are not attacking the root of their problem, the reason they lag so far behind Western Culture, their backwards religion of Islam.  Granted they are comparing themselves with the rest of the world and it’s ability to progress and prosper, all while not looking at how it occurred to begin with.  Islamic oppression is not viewed as the root of their economic troubles, and that it is exactly why their economic troubles will endure.  With  United States recently surpassing all nations by becoming the top oil producer in the world and are now considering exporting oil again, we will see the riches of Mid East oil wealth begin to dwindle.  What will they have to fall back on?  Certainly not a female empowered workforce that the great Western Civilizations have relied upon. Perhaps Allah will come down and rescue them from their plight.  But Considering their faith has been going strong ever since the decline of the Islamic Golden era, which was propelled by technology and science as opposed to faith, I think we all see where this is going.




The Difference between Morality and Ethics

Pragmatically morality typically deals with issues on what is right or wrong for an individual basis. This means that ethics are typically seen as a guideline for moral conduct on a larger scale of institutions. Societal functions, governments, businesses or fields of professions, and religions. Now the issue to separate is most certainly a fuzzy line because one is not able to say that any system of ethics aren’t the product of an individuals morality (aside from vice versa – which it could be that an individual will develop their morality based on a system of ethics.) 

Now I consider ethics a system because typically they are based on a few base principles/values that determine logically a chain of actions that should be taken in any situation based upon those principles/values. The crux of the matter is that this does not mean that the principles/values can be adjusted or derived to fix the end result and as such coincide with any individuals personal set of morals and suit their individual standard of what they think is right and wrong. As such the blurry line. Since typically anyone who follows an ethical system would not have derived it on their own (unless they actually did derive it, then they would be the only one) or it was derived using the a think tank or some sort of mutual progression of like ideas, it can be seen by some to be of a higher moral order in that it would require people to act not on their own wishes or moral standpoint but on the ethical system that the followers would see that it would be beneficial to all who adhere to that ethical system. An example would be a lawyer and their confidentiality with their client. Perhaps morally the lawyer should tell the police what the client confessed to, but ethically in the professional realm of law it would be taboo to do so.

Eulogy to my Father

On the night my father died I was walking mom up the stairs and waiting for her to unlock the door, I saw a fox running down 167th street right in front of our house. I have never seen a fox in Hessville, Hammond, or any other street in America for that matter. Of course dad used to hunt all sorts of animals, including fox. That night driving home it was a little comforting remembering seeing that fox run down our street that night. Perhaps it was the animal world paying homage to an old worthy foe, or maybe even something more, or perhaps nothing significant at all, but it may be significant to some, so I thought I would share this morning.

Dad loved talking about his glory days of hunting when he was younger, hunting all day all over Northwest Indiana, running through the vast fields and forests, some of which are now long gone and replaced by shopping centers or subdivisions. He would come home to the farm for home cooked meals. Running in those fields all day got him very hungry, and he would work up an appetite. And, yes he could run too – he could “run like the wind” he would say. I’m sure he could, from working on a farm all day and hunting animals down, he must have been a great athlete as well as a great hunter, and I loved waking up early in the morning to go hunting, I could feel the excitement and I knew my dad knew what he was doing. He taught me that you could also hunt mushrooms. Hunt mushrooms? Apparently, you need to know what you’re doing, where to find them. Which ones to get. He’d come home with buckets and buckets of mushrooms. I didn’t like them back then, but they did smell good. He was a great outdoorsman. He knew how to work the land. He had a nice small garden which I have the fond memory of getting vegetables and bringing them for mom to cook for dinner. He also had the greenest lawn in the area. He was outside watering his lawn every night in the summer, just standing there with the hose. I never knew why then, but I know now that he took pride in his lawn. It was work after all, and there is honor in work. Even something as simple as taking care of your lawn. He knew and taught me that it increases the land value, not only for us, but for the whole neighborhood. He was a dedicated, hard working man, and he worked as long as he could physically do so.

As long as I can remember, I always beat him in arm wrestling. But, I know he let me win when I was younger. That’s what dad’s do. I always loved wrestling with my dad. Even when he was too old and arthritis was tearing through his bones, he still gave it a shot but it was too easy then. But I kept on him, even at the nursing home in his final months I tried riling him up for an old arm wrestling match, just for laughs and old times sake, I think I got a little smile out of him. He loved playing Checkers, electronic battleship, and ping pong. I don’t think he ever refused a challenge from me. Not even at the nursing home, when he could barely move the pieces on his own, he gave it a try. At one point he was beating me there, here he is barely able to talk and he had one more piece than me, and I was good at checkers! But he taught me everything I knew. We played hundreds upon hundreds of checkers games. I wasn’t taking it easy on him either, but we couldn’t finish because it was a bit too much for him, and I knew. I was just glad to be able to squeeze a few more moves in with him.

I don’t know how many times people thought dad was my grandfather, but I never had any problem of correcting them as long as I could remember. After all we were “buddies” and we’d go everywhere together. We often went out to eat, at Chuck and Irene’s for fish dinners on Fridays, or Ponderosa or Sizzler on the weekends. Some other old favorites were Pepe’s and House of Pizza. He’d take us shopping to Southlake Mall, Woodmar Mall and anywhere in between.

He always bought the top of the line stuff, he taught me that too because the stuff that was cheap often broke and ended up being more expensive in the long run. He taught me a lot of things, some things I still haven’t quite yet grasped, after all he has a good 50 years on me and I’m on my first, but somehow he always provided for his very large family. I think when he was my age he was running a house with, what, 6 kids already? I’m not sure exactly, but I know I couldn’t hold a candle up to him in that department. This man grew up during the end of the Great Depression, he must’ve learned a trick or too going through that. I couldn’t really imagine what that was like. At the time of writing this I am on my computer at home with my duo 2.0 GHZ computer processors with a 23” widescreen computer monitor. Yet my dad had to help his dad sell newspapers in Chicago so they had food on the table. I know my dad didn’t have it as easy as I did and I know that I wouldn’t want to walk in his shoes, I know he dad was loving in that he wanted me to live a better life than he did, as all good dads would want.

Growing up, we always had food on the table. He was a great cook alongside Mom. He could make some great dishes, and some not so great dishes also. Some of us might remember his Spanish Pork Chops, or the Tripe soup, or Cha-lin-A. (Czarnina). When my friends asked what we were having for supper and my dad said Walleye, they laughed as if we were “weird”. After all, what little kid in Hessville eats Walleye for dinner? Well I guess if you’re parents were 40-50 years older than you, you did. That was some of the benefits of having old fashioned parents, they didn’t have frozen foods growing up, they had to cook real meals. But, then again, I was always skinny. From looking at those old pictures of him when he was around my age, I think I definitely got some of that from him.

Many of us remember the many camping trips we went on. My dad took us camping so much I can’t remember everywhere we went. There are many memories from camping, fishing on Lake Michigan. I had the greatest Lake perch in my life from fish we caught off the lake in Cedar Falls Michigan. Dad knew how to gut them, something I never got the guts to do myself, and we’d cook them on the grill. He could do stuff like that, something I learned to admire. He did a lot of thing I was always a little squirmish about. Like tearing the skins off of squirrels we hunt and then eating them. I grew up in a different era, and some of my peers wouldn’t ever imagine eating squirrel, but you definitely learn a few tricks living with someone who passes for your Grandfather.

Dad took me all over the nation, I can’t remember every place we’ve been to, but the ones that stick out are Raccoon Lake, Turkey Run, Cooperstown, the air force museum, Washington DC, and the California trip….. which I’m told I was too young to remember, but I think I might have a few vague memories, like the old Station wagon overheating out there in the middle of the hot sun, and some freezing nights in the pop up in some unknown state out West. He showed me as much of the world as he could through traveling and I always appreciated it.

How he had the money to do it, I’ll never really know. I’ll never know how he supported so many children. He found a way – Just like I must now. Whenever I feel like not going to work at 5:30 in the morning, let me just think of my dad working all sorts of odd hours in the mill for 38 years straight. I don’t think that was an easy job either, being a millwright. But he must’ve been good at it. He was always fixing something around the house. He had so many tools that it would take me a lifetime to even get to know what they all did, let alone know how to use them. Many times I remember going to Lindys hardware to pick up something, because something was always broke. I think he could nearly fix anything, until he got older when his hands failed him. When that happens, him and the dad from “A Christmas Story” seem all too similar, however some of the curse words he came up with, were, well.. you know. And he had a voice on him, It was possibly the loudest voice I’ve ever heard in my life. He could scream at me from at least 4 blocks away and I would hear him and I knew he knew I heard him too, no matter how often I attempted to ignore it. When you get yelled at that loud, you have no choice but to come home.

Throughout my life, I learned that I should’ve listened to my dad more. I guess we all do this and end up going our own way, then coming back. The prodigal son isn’t famous for nothing. But there are many things this old man has taught and will teach me. There’s still a lot to learn, he left me with so many stories that they will resonate as long as I can remember, partly because he told me every story dozens if not hundreds of times.

I realized after growing up that dad had his own way of doing things which was much different than the rest of the worlds. There are many lessons I have learned and will still continue to learn from my dad. I know if I look hard enough, there are lessons about sacrifice in my dad. Lessons about honor , courage and strength. This is what a father is for and while we had our hard times, we wouldn’t know the good times from the bad if the hard times weren’t there. There’s many things I appreciate in my dad, he was unique in every way I could imagine. He left his imprints on me in many ways and if there’s any good qualities that may come from me at any given time, yes mom you could be most definitely be the reason, but some things only a father can teach a son, and with the passing of dad perhaps I hope all of you could continue to see the good qualities of my father here and there in me, if I’m capable of learning and executing them. And hopefully, I’ll be able to pass something on that may be a different for this day and age, just like dad did. He always gave everyone something to think about.